During the "Healing Time"

During the healing time can be very frustrating. I know I won't always be in the hardest parts of healing. I know I will get better. It can be a confussing time though. It is almost more of a "well enough" time. Because I know the chemical imbalances in my brain will always be there. Yet I went into crisis. I spent time in the hospital. I got my diagnosis. I try to live one day at a time sometimes 5 minutes at a time. There is the face I put on for public view and the faces I wear at home alone in the light and in the dark. There are times when I think I am healed enough to do something just to find out KABOOM thump thump thump down a rung or 2 of the ladder. I dust off shake it off and start climbing again. I get scared thinking "Am I ever going to be able to do thus and such again?" Then I take a step back and look at how far I have come. I look at how much stronger I am now than I was before. It took a life time to get to where my disorders have lead me. It took a life time of taking abuse and humiliation to get where I am now. I had to learn that I could stand up to my abusers. I didn't have to just "TAKE" what was being dished out. I didn't have to give away my self worth and pride in myself to conform and make those around me happy by being the point of all their jokes or  sick humaliting and at time physically abusive fantasies and I can say "NO".  So to you out there reading this for a boost of encouragement. I say keep going!!! even if you know you will always be at some point at odds with yourself (the docs can't heal our chemical imbalances just give us tools and meds to deal with them.) Still grab your ladder hang on and take the rungs higher!!! We can do it!!! We are never alone.